What those words on 'Annual Performance Review' reviews really mean?

1. Outgoing personality: always going out of the office
2. Great presentation skills: able to bullshit
3. Good communication skills: spends lots of time on the phone
4. Work is first priority: too ugly to get a date
5. Active socially: drinks a lot
6. Independent worker: nobody knows what she/he does
7. Quick thinking: offer plausible excuses
8. Careful thinker: won't make a decision
9. Uses logic on difficult jobs: gets someone else to do it
10. Expresses themselves well: speaks english
11. Meticulous attention to detail: a nit picker
12. Has leadership qualities: is tall or has a louder voice
13. Exceptionally good judgement: lucky
14. Keen sense of humor: knows a lot of dirty jokes
15. Career minded: back stabber
16. Loyal: can't get job anywhere else
17. Plans for promotion/ advancement: buy drinks for all the boys
18. Of great value to the organization: gets to work on time
19. Relaxed attitude: sleeps at desk